/image%2F0191792%2F201210%2Fob_fb04077f438304c8829ce7c16c726e82_me-bigger-jpg.jpg)
/http%3A%2F%2Fassets.over-blog-kiwi.com%2Fthemes%2F41%2Fimg%2Fpine-cone.jpg "I'm just here looking for my keys.")
OFFICE WISDOM
Published on March 18 2006
I've found, over the years, that most of these apply to paper-making as well as paper-pushing. Go figure.
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--It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
--After any pay raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
--The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
--You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
--Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
--When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
--If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
--There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
--Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
--Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
--To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
--Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he / she is supposed to be doing.
--If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
--You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your booth.
--People who go to conferences are the ones who really shouldn't.
--If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
--At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of tools that person is carrying.
--When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
--Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
--When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
--No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
--The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
--Never leave a meeting to use the bathroom. You will be elected as an officer in your absence.