You know you're from California if: 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. 5. You can't remember, is pot illegal? 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. 8. You can't remember, is pot illegal? 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a basebal l cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 13. You can't remember, is pot illegal? 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH." 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal? ??? 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons. 19. The Terminator is your governor. 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
Sent to me by my former roommate and favorite Cali-chick, who is about to brave the icy temperatures, howling winds, and blowing snow of southern and northern Wisconsin. I told her "NO flipflops, sweet little strappy sandals, cute little tank tops or miniskirts this trip!! Wear clothes, dammit!" Bet she wears the pink sandals.
I find this exhibition of wanton destruction of something I work so hard to create.... ..... absolutely enchanting. I needed this laugh today.
From email this morning.... It's scary how many of these I remember my mother saying. It's even more scary to think how many of these I've said.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10 My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Eject Eject Eject: SEEING THE UNSEEN, Part 2
Now most normal people do not look at life from within a pit of failure and despair. Our lives are measured by small successes -- like raising children, serving in the military, doing volunteer work at your church – or just doing the right thing in a thousand small but important ways, like returning money if someone makes you too much change. These are simply the small, ordinary milestones of a life of value. They give you a sense of identity. But if I didn’t have that sense of identity rooted in my own small achievements, I wonder how likely it would have been for me to grab onto that sense of sudden empowerment, of being an initiate in some arcane club of hidden wisdom. I wonder what might have happened to me if being the Holder of Secret Knowledge had been my only source of self-esteem…the one redeeming landmark in a life of isolation and failure. Indeed, I wonder what power such a worldview would have over me if I could believe that behind the scenes lurked vast and unknowable dark forces – forces that could topple a president and perhaps even explain why a person of my deep, vast and bountiful talents was not doing a whole lot better in life? I wonder what might have happened to me then.All this...and chemtrails, too!! :-D
This week January 15 through January 21 Libra As the week begins, you're thinking about your love life and your family. You may be looking for a new place to live. If so, this is the right time, as Thursday's New Moon falls in your sector of home and family. If nothing else, you may want to redecorate your living space. It's also possible that a family member will ask you to join his or her business. This weekend is perfect for spending quality time with your children or the children of friends. Meanwhile, a relative may need a place to stay. On Thursday, your beloved may want to relive your first date.
While surfing, found an interesting-looking "note-taking" software offer; so went through the entire "who are you, what is your address, what are your children's names, give us your credit card numbers" rigamarole. After getting an email, I *finally* was able to access a page that included dire warnings for those who dared to try out this program:
# Restrictions. 1. (a) THE KIT IS INTENDED FOR PERSONAL USE BY STUDENTS. THE KIT IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL, OR OTHER ENVIRONMENTS IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE KIT COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.Damn! And I was going to use it for my backyard nuclear reactor! Damn! Damn!
CNN.com - Woman, 63, 'delighted' by pregnancy - May 4, 2006 In speaking about this case, where the mom-to-be is 62 years old, the good doctor had this to say:
He said Rashbrook, whom he last saw in November, was "perfect" for the treatment, because although she was 62 at the time, she had a biological age of about 45. "She came here with her husband, the couple love each other, she is very slim, blonde and in perfect condition, she fits all the criteria for maternity."Um...slim? Blonde? This is sounding more like a Britney Spears lookalike audition than anything else. And as far as that "biological age" thing--I am 45, and I cannot even conceive (heh) of wanting to get PG again. I'm looking forward to GRANDCHILDREN--you know, the ones you fill full of sugary soda and candy and just generally spoil rotten--and then send home to their parents? UPDATE: No, I do not want to be a grandma anytime in the near future. Thank you.