1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your butt. 2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your butt. 3) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your butt. 4) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her butt. 5) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick your butt. 6) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the heck up. Just spend your money and get the heck out of here or we'll kick your butt. 7) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak rare like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your butt. 8) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your butt kicked. 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Interstates 90, 94, 39, and 43 are ready when you are. Move your butt on home before it gets kicked. 10) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farm land. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your butt all the way back to Chicago. 11) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your butt, just like they did ours. 12) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your butt. 13) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your butt will be kicked. 14) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairies should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your butt shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your butt.Now enjoy your visit and then go home.
Issued by the Wisconsin Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors..... well, at least it's making the email rounds:
You all remember Kevin Barrett? He's the former UW lecturer who taught a single semester course on Islam during which he expressed his personal view that 9/11 was an "inside job" planned to justify a longterm war in the Mideast, in the name of Empire created by the globalist plutocracy. Well, now Barrett is running for Congress. (not from my district) These statements are a few weeks old, but here are some predictions from the Wisconsin congressional candidate who even managed to piss off Noam Chomskey. Wisconsin Politics:Kevin Barrett Campaign: Barrett predicts Brett Favre will return to the NFL 7/14/2008
Today, while campaigning in Lone Rock, Wisconsin, 3rd District Congressional Candidate Dr. Kevin Barrett predicted that quarterback Brett Favre would return to the NFL, throw at least 20 touchdown passes, and lead the Green Bay Packers back to the Super Bowl. Kevin Barrett says; "A Brett Favre comeback will be good for the war-ravaged Wisconsin economy."Well, I guess we have to give him partial credit, right? Other Predictions by Dr. Barrett:
1) The Milwaukee Brewers will make it to the World Series and possibly win it, further boosting Wisconsin's economy. 2) Barrett refuses to predict a championship for the Milwaukee Bucks next season, noting that the NBA East has several stronger teams and that the San Antonio Spurs always win the title in odd-numbered years. 3) Barack Obama's flip-flop on the FISA bill and telecom immunity will be proven to be just the tip of the iceberg, for those who think Obama may be an anti-Empire candidate. 4) Despite the flip-flop, Obama will win the presidential election by more than 10%. Hence, since John McCain won't win, Barrett urges you to invest your vote with either Libertarian Bob Barr or Green Party candidate Cynthia McKinney. 5) Man will someday colonize the Moon, and life will be found somewhere else in the universe. 6) Someday, we will dispose of nuclear waste by shooting it into space. 7) In 2020, Wisconsin farmers will lead the nation in producing hemp for fiber, food and fuel, and more than half the milk sold in Wisconsin will be raw milk, which scientists will have determined to be healthier. 8) The Catholic Church will eventually canonize Galileo Galilei. 9) Supercomputers will determine that the Ramsey number R(6,6) = 117. Current scholarship places the value of R(6,6) to be between 102 and 165, inclusive. 10) A new official investigation of the 9/11 attacks will begin in 2010. 11) The final NIST report on WTC 7 will not appear until George Bush is out of office. 12) Based on comparisons with the Soviet and Roman Empires, the United States central government will collapse in the year 2125 (approximately), because of economic problems brought on by high taxes, budget deficits, and militarism. Appendix: "If an alien spaceship were to come to Earth and demand that we tell them the answer to R(5,5) or they will kill us all, it would take all the computing power in the world to find the answer for the aliens. If they ask for R(6,6), we should try to kill them."Um. Yeah. Actually, the appendix quote is attributed to a famous Hungarian mathmetician, so I'm not exactly sure why it was included on the WisPolitics page. It does seem to fit, though.
Favre Says "Release Me": The Packers Respond
"The Green Bay Packers are aware of the latest developments regarding Brett Favre. Brett earned and exercised the right to retire on his terms. We wanted him to return and welcomed him back on more than one occasion. Brett’s press conference and subsequent conversations in the following weeks illustrated his commitment to retirement. The finality of his decision to retire was accepted by the organization. At that point, the Green Bay Packers made the commitment to move forward with our football team. As a retired player, Brett has the option to apply for reinstatement with Commissioner Goodell. If that were to occur, he would become an active member of the Green Bay Packers. As always, the Packers will do what’s right and in the best interest of the team. As with all Packers greats, Brett’s legacy will always be celebrated by our fans and the organization, regardless of any change in his personal intentions."
I have been presented with a set of tickets. A little celebration, I guess you'd say. Even though this is my "school band"; even though they've performed in the area dozens of times, even though one of the members lives only about thirty miles away from me... I have never seen America perform live. Sunday night, I finally get to do just that. The real kicker is that I'm scheduled to work a twelve-hour shift beginning 2:30 Monday morning-- I forsee a more-or-less useless Laurie that day. Photos may have to wait a day or so. This sure beats getting a dollar for every "A" in school!! Here they are, in performance with my *other* great Seventies musical love, doing one of my favorite songs:
"Only the Beginning"
But this is how I remember them from back in the olden days of the Seventies... I think I may have even seen this particular performance on the Midnight Special back then. I probably even clapped.
Sister Golden Hair
Geez. Maybe it's a GOOD thing that Mr. Tom from the last post was too busy showing off for the ladies to pay any attention to me! Postal workers attacked by wild turkeys - Yahoo News
MADISON, Wis. - Rather than rain or snow, or even dogs, postal workers in a West Side neighborhood near Owen Conservation Park are being pestered by wild turkeys this spring. ....Lobner said the behavior is clearly tied to the breeding season, which started recently and runs through about mid-May. Color plays an important role in turkey breeding, he said, with the color of the males head during mating season changes from gaudy blue to white to red. Lobner speculated that perhaps the turkeys are attracted to the red, white and blue postal trucks.Hmmm, remind me not to wear my red&white Tshirt and blue jeans while walking.
Postal workers were armed with water pistols. But Lober said that, while the squirts of water worked for a while, the turkeys now seem accustomed to it.I will NOT comment on the use of water pistols in fending off turkeys in the mood for love. No. I just won't.
No, not *that* kind of Turkey Day. Up until 5 or 6 years ago, I had never seen a wild turkey. I won't ever forget the first "herd" I saw, about 30 in a single flock alongside Hwy. 29 a half-dozen years ago. I recall spotting large dark "things" in the ditch ahead, and my jaw hitting my knees when I realized that those big dark blobs were TURKEYS. I'm not sure if the birds were re-introduced to the area or if they came back on their own, but they are all over the place now, to the great delight of area hunters. I see them frequently on my powerwalks, and I'm always amazed at how large a bird they really are. Usually I see only groups of hens, but it *is* the time of year when a young tom's fancy turns to.... well... showing off for the ladies. This one was so busy fluffing up for them that he paid absolutely no attention to me as I got out of the car and put the Nikon to work. It was only the hens' nervousness that kept him from doing his dance right in the middle of the northbound lanes. I have also decided I need a better zoom lens. A 28-70 just doesn't cut it, lol. Clicking on the slideshow will take you to an online photo album I'm playing with. Yep. Like I *need* another online photo album, hehehehe.
Nothing like waking up to 8" of Mother Nature's Gift. 50 degree temps predicted for the next two days.... we go from one extreme to the other up here, don't we? Sloppy, soggy, horrible wet stuff as well. So I figured it was time to introduce Rudy to "'sconsin spring". He was not overly impressed. Speaking of Mother Nature....Whats eating you, Mother Nature? Is it us?
.....But you need to lighten up. Winters like this — they're not something that humans are built to endure. In that way they're like all Robin Williams movies since 1987. We can't take the physical strain of trudging through this much snow. We can't take the mental strain of driving on impassable streets. And we can't outrun the yetis who've come down from the hills to feast.Amen, brother. Even if you *did* call Mother Nature a.... umm.... "mean slut". It's been a looooooooooong winter. [update] As proof that winter has gone on far too long, I present this story. Even our northern politicians are getting cranky.