Published on February 28 2006

Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974 Rolling on the floor over the "fish balls", myself.........maybe the "Rosy Perfection Salad". Lord, that looks frightening. Nope, on tomorrow's menu goes "Liver Pate en masque". Yeah. liver

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Published on February 28 2006

ODE TO FALSE SPRING The birds were all atwitter in the bony, barren trees Oh, could it be that spring was here To rout grim winter's freeze? The dirty snow was melting Melting like our winter hearts I'd swear I heard once long ago That this is how spring starts. The temp'rature was sixty Yellow sun had pierced the gray The air felt kind as feathers, 'twas A picturebook spring day! No longer did I hate the world Yes, life again looked bright The stormy moods, the deep black thoughts Had just been lack of light! I heard the lilt of music Strains of violins and lutes I tossed aside my winter gloves Kicked off my cruddy boots. I opened up the windows and I dreamed of summer sports I even sifted through my drawers and pulled out skimpy shorts. AND THEN....... And then as I was gazing At my pasty winter thighs A voice came out of nowhere And it took me by surprise. "You call this spring, you sucker?" cried the ghost of winters past. "you really think you've seen the end Of winter's icy blast? "You think you're out in Tucson Or that you're some Georgia peach? You're living in Wisconsin, hon This ain't no Tampa beach." I turned to see this cranky voice~~ A pinched and gnarly guy His face was raw and red as rage H scratched his crusty eye. "For years you're in Wisconsin And you still don't get this thing? A day or two of warmth in March? That's what we call false spring!" "It's phony as a breast implant Like Britney, it's a tease It's fickle as some lovers And as fake as processed cheese." I reached up toward his collar And I pried his wool scarf loose "No wonder you're so grumpy, sir Your scarf is like a noose." He cackled then he coughed and Then he cleared his throat and spat His phlegm soared through the balmy air And landed with a splat. "Two days from now," he muttered "Wisconsin's days will not be nice! The wind will whip up from the lake That spit will all be ice." I felt the blue sky darken then My body shook with chills I hugged my sweater closer Tried to think of daffodils. "So tell me, ghost of winters past, If springtime now is false How long must poor Wisconsin wait To do a springtime waltz?" He said, "Dear girl you surely know That springtime here is cursed! Why, here it's normal if it snows On April twenty first!: "So keep you shovel handy And don't put away your coat Steer clear of all your Sunbelt friends 'Cause all they'll do is gloat." AND SO...... And so the old man shuffled off He gave a little wave, "Real spring will come by June, my friend 'Til then you must be brave."
From Mary Schmich's column in the Chicago Tribune.

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Published on February 27 2006

If THIS doesn't bring a smile to your face, nothing on the planet will ever be able to do it...

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Published on February 25 2006

Saw this on the evening news last night--kinda makes whiny Olympians and pro athletes look pretty bad. Make sure you watch the video--those were some good shots! CBS News | Autistic Teen's Hoop Dreams Come True | February 24, 2006 17:04:52
(CBS) It was the stuff of Hollywood, but it was real. Senior Jason McElwain had been the manager of the varsity basketball team of Greece Athena High School in Rochester, N.Y. McElwain, who's autistic, was added to the roster by coach Jim Johnson so he could be given a jersey and get to sit on the bench in the team's last game of the year. Johnson hoped the situation would even enable him to get McElwain onto the floor a little playing time. He got the chance, with Greece Athena up by double-digits with four minutes go to. And, in his first action of the year, McElwain missed his first two shots, but then sank six three-pointers and another shot (video), for a total of 20 points in three minutes.
UPDATE: video available here

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Published on February 24 2006

Metrosexual Motorcyle @ AMERICAN DIGEST I'd break my neck in spiked pumps, but this one might be fun!!

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Published on February 22 2006

CNN.com - 'Retired for about four days now' - Feb 22, 2006 and the quote of the day is????
When asked if he still worked at the meatpacking plant, Eric Zornes, 40, a maintenance mechanic, said, "I've been retired for about four days now."
Even if it wasn't *my* workplace lottery pool that hit the big one, it sure is neat to see these guys win it. And hey guys......the woman is single!! and cute!!! and it's all hers! :-D
Clutching an oversized $22.1 million check -- the amount each of the eight received before taxes -- Rutjens said she was single, and added, "It's all mine." She added that she is just "trying to grasp that we're millionaires now."

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Published on February 22 2006

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Published on February 22 2006

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. venus (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you!)

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Published on February 21 2006

..some of which sound a little too odd
    111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 Each year, over 1,000,000 people fail to itemize out the mortgage interest deduction on their income taxes. Last year, this amounted to $473,000,000 in taxes. In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers. The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger. One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it. If you know a millionaire who happens to be married, what is the most likely profession of his wife? She's probably a teacher. The "you are here" arrow on maps is called an ideo locator. Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Halley's Comet came into view. When he died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again. In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first (and only) home run. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" read 4:20. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. A snail can have about 25,000 teeth. A snail can also sleep for three years. A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it. According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg. Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand. Only 14% of Americans say they've skinny dipped with the opposite sex. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace. 100% of all lottery winners gain weight. An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights. 23% of employees say they have had sex in the office. Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women. Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men. 40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet. 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never wear underwear. Superman is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld", either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator. 85% of the guys who cheat on their wives die while having sex.
Now, don't you feel smarter?

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Published on February 20 2006

Looks like that doesn't exitst in Europe these days. Holocaust Denier Gets Three Years in Jail -- Newsday.com
VIENNA, Austria -- Right-wing British historian David Irving was sentenced to three years in prison Monday after admitting to an Austrian court that he denied the Holocaust -- a crime in the country where Hitler was born. Irving, who pleaded guilty and then insisted during his one-day trial that he now acknowledged the Nazis' World War II slaughter of 6 million Jews, had faced up to 10 years behind bars. Before the verdict, Irving conceded he had erred in contending there were no gas chambers at the Auschwitz concentration camp.
But then again, maybe dumb thought does exist there. Putting somebody in jail for their thoughts, however wrong, is a good thing, how?

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