Did you ever get a little nervous about your next-door neighbors?

Jonathon (The Impaler) Sharkey has chosen Friday – yes, Friday the 13th– to formally announce his candidacy [for Governor of Minnesota]. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side,” he said. The 13-point platform on his extensive website (www.jonathonforgovernor.us) offers a number of conventional policy initiatives, including emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans. Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute --by impalement in front of the State Capitol -- terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.