Great Books. In Haiku.

"His mother wed his dead murdered father's brother!" Next--Jerry Springer. (William Shakespeare "Hamlet") Grim, gray New England -- all adulterers receive free monogramming. (Nathaniel Hawthorne "The Scarlet Letter") This is just to say I screwed around. Forgive me. I enjoyed it so. (St Augustine "The Confessions") Single white lass seeks landed gent for marriage, whist. No parsons, thank you. (Jane Austen "Pride and Prejudice") If I think, I am. If I don't exist, how do I know about me? (Rene Descartes "Discourse on Method") Substance has essence. Form adds whatness to thatness. Whatsits have thinghood. (Aristotle "Metaphysics") I, Rodya, killed her to prove my theory. Uh-oh. Back to square oneski. (Fyodor Dostoyevsky "Crime and Punishment") Lecherous linguist -- he lays low and is laid low after laying Lo. (Vladimir Nabakov "Lolita") Love is a thoughtcrime. The Thought Police make Winston forget whatsername. (George Orwell "1984") "Who dat fine knight be?" asked the saucy Moorish wench. "Dat be Ivan, ho." (Sir Walter Scott "Ivanhoe") Like the cicada, Molly takes many years to say "Yes" to Leo. (James Joyce "Ulysses") Advice for those in a difficult position. First, be flexible. (Vatsayana "Kama Sutra") She has shot the duck! No, Hedvig has shot herself. [Offstage, relieved quacks.] (Henrik Ibsen "The Wild Duck") Old pond. Frog jumps in. Repressed sexual desire, clearly Oedipal. (Sigmund Freud "The Interpretation of Dreams")